That’s it for our coverage of a wildly emotional night in the Premier League. Everton are safe, Burnley are slightly safer than they were a few hours ago and Leeds need a favor from Newcastle on Sunday.
Thanks for your company – goodnight!
Soccer, eh? Since losing to Burnley at the start of April, Everton have won four and drawn two of their eight Premier League games. It hasn’t always been pretty – in fact it has hardly ever been pretty – but that’s an admirable performance under such asphyxiating pressure. And it culminated in a comeback that Everton fans will still be raving about when they are old and doddery.
The final scores in the Premier League
- Aston Villa 1-1 Burnley
- Chelsea 1-1 Leicester
- Everton 3-2 Crystal Palace
After all that, this is the bottom of the Premier League table
The situation is so simple that even I understand it. Leeds (away to Brentford) need to get a better result than Burnley (home to Newcastle) or they will go down.
Burnley are out of the relegation zone, and they have Nick Pope to thank. He made two stunning saves, and a number of good ones, to ensure Burnley got the point they needed to keep their fate in their own hands. If they beat Newcastle at Turf Moor on Sunday, they will stay up.
“Did I say an easy 3-0?” says Matt Burtz. “Because I meant a heart-in-your-mouth, gutwrenching 3-2 after being down 2-0 at half-time. I think I need a drink. I haven’t been so relieved in a long time.”
You should try dropping acid.
Marcos Alonso’s equalizer has ensured Chelsea will finish third in the table.
“In 1974, for the one and only time, I dropped acid,” says Mary Waltz. “And I have been waiting for a flashback experience ever since. Today was the day. What an out-of-body trip this game has been.”
I doubt anything will top 1994, as Everton were even closer to the precipice, but this is a helluva way to complete the relegation-avoidance trilogy: Wimbledon 1994, Bolton 1998, Crystal Palace 2022.
90+1min: Aston Villa 1-1 Burnley The substitute Matthew Lowton is given a straight red card for a tackle on Calum Chambers. He won the ball but then followed through with force into Chambers. I think Lowton is slightly unlucky, though I doubt it will be overturned.
90 mins: Aston Villa 1-1 Burnley Cash’s rising drive is calmly patted down by Nick Pope, who strolls after the loose ball as if he’s having a park kickabout. There will be oven added minutes.
The word ‘scenes’ was invented for Goodison Park right now. The players are running round in all directions, hugging any old randomers who have come onto the field. It’s a frenzied mixture of joy, relief, delirium and a gazillion other emotions.
After the craziest game at Goodison Park since 7 May 1994, Everton are safe.
85 mins: Aston Villa 1-1 Burnley Now Burnley almost steal victory! Roberts’ shot is pawed away by Martinez, and then Weghorst’s follow-up is blocked brilliantly by Mings!
Hertha Berlin 0-1 Hamburg Thanks to all of you who pointed out that I made a Horlicks of the Bundesliga playoff – it was the first of two legs, so Hamburg are merely favorites to return to the Bundesliga. Ah, sorry. I blame Dominic Calvert-Lewin, and myself.
83 mins: Aston Villa 1-1 Burnley It’s all Villa now, with Burnley holding on desperately. If they draw tonight, they will stay up if they beat Newcastle at home on Sunday.
90 mins: Everton 3-2 Crystal Palace We’re into se7en minutes of added time at Goodison Park.
80 mins: Aston Villa 1-1 Burnley What a save from Nick Pope! Cash clipped a cross towards the subject Traore, who met it with a textbook downward header. Pope plunged to his right to push it away, another stunning reaction save to add to his showreel.
Play has resumed at Everton. And Danny Ings, just on as sub, has rifled this far wide for Villa against Burnley.
87 mins: Everton 3-2 Crystal Palace Play still hasn’t resumed at Goodison. While the pitch is cleared, we’re seeing multiple replays of Calvert-Lewin’s header. It was magnificentyear 8.2 on the Houchenometer.
This is just amazing. Gray’s superb free-kick from the right was met by Calvert-Lewin, who powered a majestic diving header into the far corner. And now there are hundreds of fans on the pitch!
2-0 down, 3-2 up: the Wimbledon 1994 tribute is complete!
71 mins: Aston Villa 1-1 Burnley A controversial moment at Villa Park, where Burnley thought they should have had a penalty for a handball by Lucas Digne. It was checked multiple times by VAR. Indeed, it was pretty similar to the penalty that was given against Burnley at Spurs on Sunday, though maybe – maybe – it hit Digne nearer the shoulder this time. I’d like to see it again. But if I was a Burnley fan I’d probably be raging.
Bundesliga Hamburger SV could be heading back to the Bundesliga for the first time since 2018 – they’ve won 1-0 at Hertha Berlin in the first leg of their playoff match.
“Kind of a sideshow to the main event slow-motion car-crash but I’m enjoying watching Eze glide unconcernedly around this match,” says Jon Collin. “He’s so elegant he should be in a Ferrero Rocher ad.”
There’s been no time to dwell on his performance but he’s been fantastic.
78 mins: Everton 2-2 Crystal Palace Here’s what that goal means for the league table.
It was a scruffy goal, the hell Everton will care. Alli’s low cross was only half cleared to Richarlison, whose shot deflected off the substitute Gallagher before spinning into the far corner!
The Everton fans are going ballistic! Richarlison has equalised, and now they are one goal away from safety!
64 mins: Aston Villa 1-1 Burnley Josh Brownhill almost puts Burnley ahead with a crisp half-volley from the edge of the area. Martinez gets down very smartly to his right to save.
72 mins: Everton 1-2 Crystal Palace Mykolenko’s deep, hanging cross is missed by Calvert-Lewin, who jumped too early. It would have been a tricky chance anyway as there was no pace on the ball.
61 mins: Aston Villa 1-1 Burnley Every time I look at this game Villa are on the attack, though I don’t think Nick Pope has had too much to do since Buendia’s equalizer. A draw would still be a terrible result for Burnley.
68 mins: Everton 1-2 Crystal Palace And now Zaha is booked for tripping the lively Alli. I’m going to stop telling you about every yellow card because there’s no point.
67 mins: Everton 1-2 Crystal Palace Now Keane is booked for a poor challenge on Eze. Both teams have put in a few 20th-century tackles tonight.
66 mins: Everton 1-2 Crystal Palace Calvert-Lewin is lucky to avoid a yellow card for a scissor tackle on Clyne. It wasn’t as bad as Ayew’s earlier in the game but he should probably have been booked.